Over the years, I’ve become so used to handling issues alone that I had to make myself be more open with my parents about what I was struggling with. I would prefer suffering in silence to trying in vain to explain the jumbled mess inside my head. Every day at work, much like a lot of people when asked how you’re doing, I would simply say, “I’m here, man.” Because that’s all I was focused on doing at the time: just getting through the day so I could go home and be alone with my depressing inner monologue.
If there’s anything I’ve learned however, it’s when God calls you to a higher purpose, He won’t let you stay in mediocrity forever. He brought me to the point where I could no longer ignore the underlying issues I had left buried for so long. I was losing the things that enabled me to keep living for myself while ignoring the truth of the matter. It was too difficult to be honest with myself, as that would mean I could no longer eat to my heart’s content. It would mean actually setting goals for my life instead of being enslaved to comfortable living.
I remember a time in church when I was told that the enemy was fighting me so hard because of my potential to be a threat to him. Knowing that should have empowered me to fight back; the problem was I was not convinced that I could be that kind of person. My insecurities clouded my true purpose, and instead of opening up to someone and accepting wise counsel, I put on a smile and moved on.
The only way I was going to be set free of this mindset was to come to the end of myself; no more comfort zone, no more saying I’ll deal with it eventually, no more resigning myself to a life of just “existing”, and no more isolating myself from the rest of the world, especially those God would use to build me back up. When everything was stripped away, I was left with a mirror, and my reflection inside of it. I saw someone with a dark void he’s spent his whole life filling with temporal pleasures. I saw a man who has hidden behind shallow pleasantries and fake smiles for too long.
I have since discovered how invaluable it is to find people I could open up to. Having a special encounter with God was the most important first step, but immediately after that was connecting with other spirit-filled friends and family instead of remaining isolated. God has immensely blessed me in this area, as it allowed me to not only shed light on everything I’d been holding on to, but to share in my little victories and build my faith.
God is calling us out of mediocrity, and into the marvelous future He has planned for us. This life can beat us down, and so often we try and muscle our way through on our own, which only leaves us weary from fighting. As brothers and sisters in Christ, God wants us to lift up one another through the power of our words, and love with the same love that has been freely given to us by God. Should another believer fall, reach out instead of leaving them to handle it alone.
Also, I want to encourage you to see yourself not for your fractured parts, but for your potential in the hands of the Father. You are uniquely made with a special calling from God, and He wants every part of you. So today, I pray that God would show you His grace and love, that He would heal your brokenness, and show His great strength in your weakness.